Here is my assignment for MAY for the BY INVITATION ONLY SERIES.Note the pretty chandelier at the top of the page that will be your clue for future posts in this series.
WHAT FIVE THINGS DRIVE YOU CRAZY?
1. THE COMPUTER:
It drives me MAD sometimes.I get so MAD at myself when something goes amiss and I have no understanding why!For instance, the other day it gives me the message below!I have two e-mail addresses because one is from the very beginning of time of the e-mail epidemic and the other I had to have according to my family pretty recently!I was not willing to give up the old quite yet!It took me awhile before I realized G~MAIL was GOOGLE!!!I know I live in the DARK when it comes to all this techy stuff!I am lucky it just arrives as a gift and then I am told to GO FOR IT!I cry for HELP often and even went for classes at the APPLE store for a little bit until the day I thought I had signed up for a class on photos and they tell me at the door I am NOT SIGNED UP!That was the end of the classes for me!MADDER THEN MAD at myself and at them.So, they do not see my name in their hand held IPAD’S ; seeing I am upset and a bit older wouldn’t you think the young man would say,”Let me get you into another session I am sorry this happened to you?”OH, NO doesn’t even cross his 20 year old mind!
So, if your me you need a COMPUTER WIZ who will come to the rescue sooner then later!You must help the economy and find a nice man or woman who will dash over and solve all the FRUSTRATIONS of owning LA COMPUTER.An item I just could not live without………….talk about ADDICTION!
2.THANK YOU’s:
I grew up by writing and saying THANK YOU when I received a gift or went to someones house for dinner.I was told it was a VERY important part of my education.My Grandmother had a column at the OAKLAND TRIBUNE newspaper and a radio show where she would talk about FOOD, WINE and ETIQUETTE.(Her boyfriend after my Grandfather died which was when my DAD was very young was HERMAN WENTE of WENTE VINEYARDS) I can still remember being reprimanded for folding my used napkin on the dining table in a restaurant after the meal was over!But my point here is how something that was so route has become almost forgotten.It seems that saying THANK YOU after the dinner upon departing or after receiving the gift is enough now or all you will hear.Occasionally,an email will be sent the next day or a text but seldom that HAND WRITTEN NOTE,that says you really enjoyed yourself and appreciated the effort or gift that was given.
3.THE EXERCISE PANT:
The pant of the last decade I think!I wonder how many they have sold?I have to say I too am guilty of SPORTING the black, basic, stretchy, comfortable, unflattering, exercise pant more then I would like to admit!You should have heard me when I found this purple pair!HOORAY………….I need color in my life!But holy cow I am amazed at how many women go about town in these without a care of what they look like from BEHIND!Never mind the ones that do not wear underwear and when they bend over just a wee bit the entire CRACK is exposed!( I tend to see that in exercise class a lot!)
Now,if one is exercising that is a good thing! I understand after class you may need to run a few errands and get stuff done!WE ALL NEED TO DO THAT,but why not wear a “COVER ~ UP” of sorts that disquises the DERRIERE to the public!This is not the most flattering shot of me in my exercise attire but you see I add length to the top that covers the exercise top and then I would have a coat on over this or a heavy long sweater…………TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR APPEARANCE even if you are dressed casually.It really does not take any extra time and you will be amazed at how many compliments you will receive through out the day!
4.THE ITALIAN HUSBAND:
Tis TRUE he drives me NUTS…………..but after 28 years of marriage you would think I am use to him!NOPE…………….I drive him NUTS and he drives me NUTS!I guess that’s what makes the whole marriage thing work…………..we are so different in everything we do!He is precious and persice.I can do nothing RIGHT!
Today, for example……….I dumped the compost!It’s a compost pile right…….it makes dirt for our garden.I dumped it in the WRONG SPOT!His compost bin is neater then my closet!The spaghetti for our STARTER course…….well I used the wrong LONG FORK to stir the batch in the boiling water!Imagine that after 28 years I still use the wrong fork!(Maybe I do it on purpose just to get his goat!)
The computer YES, you know how I ADORE LA COMPUTER well I asked him to make a HEN HOUSE FILE……….I know ,I know I doNOT even know how to make a file!He sat down to figure it out for me and after 3 minutes I said ,”FORGET IT!”I will just put it under WORK which is a category on the sidebar…………..THAT made him so mad he got up and HUFFED to the BATHROOM!I thought I was helping by saying don’t spend your time on this that WORK category will do the deed!Instead, I created TENSION in LA FAMIGLIA today…………I should have gone to the OUTLETS to return the gorgeous shoes I bought him that are too small when I went to meet those BLOGGERS……………..I haven’t told you about them yet have I?
As the t~shirt says he was BORN and raised in the old country………..and BELIEVE YOU ME he still goes by those ways!Here he is making bread for his pizza oven tomorrow night!We will dine on a pizza starter A Pizza Bianca first and then all who join us will have their own pizza to devour and then the party favor at the end of the night is the warm loaf of lovingly made bread that a gorgeous PASTRY CHEF taught him to make.
I CANNOT EAT A BITE………IAM A GLUTEN FREE GAL……….YES,IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!
5.DINNER TIME:
If I could be a FAIRY GODMOTHER I would wave my wand and have the entire family sit down around the table for dinner hour.There would be NO CELL PHONES ALLOWED.LA TAVOLA as they say in BELLA ITALIA is the call to the table for it is time to EAT.This is the most important part of the day as the family is together and they can share stories and life’s up and downs.I do believe sitting around the table for the entire family is a lost occurrence these days.I know everyone is busy and these kids today have way too much homework plus everything else outside of the school day but we must bring back a few of the good TRADITIONS to make this next generation of children who have grown up in cyber space more human.They are fast with their texting and well equipped to surf the internet but can they actually hold a conversation?There needs to be more family time more interaction more laughing more compassion.Make an effort to be a family member.Be nice, have interests,and most importantly be interested in those people who share your roof with you.It is a very important part of their education!
It’s off to dinner I go!Lets not get into the dinner attire…………..we can save that for another day!
PS.I had four of my topics for this POST ,but needed a fifth when I asked the ITALIAN HUSBAND if he had any ideas!His reply was ” ME!”So,I quickly wrote notes on all the things that drove me crazy on my grocery list from our weekend together .Well, it seems I DROPPED MY LIST in our local grocery store and somehow it turned up in the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE newspaper!!!!I received a call early from a dear friend telling me I had made the newspaper!The best was she knew right off the bat who had written that list without my name being there!See below!
There are treasures to be found on the floor of the Safeway in Orinda, sometimes even a portrait of a marriage.
Mary Bush found a shopping list with an addendum that included this observation:
“4. The Italian Husband/ crazy because:/ compost/ spaghetti fork/ garden hole in wrong spot/ computer file.”
I hope Mary is keeping her eyes glued to the floor of that Safeway. Surely the Italian Husband has his own version of the list, about his wife (who probably insists on using a spoon to twirl her pasta).
Saving a marriage by keeping a list
Leah Garchik
Published 3:47 pm, Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Jeanne McKay Hartmann says
La Contessa, dear, your list has me in stitches. I almost snorted coffee up my nose when I go to the exercise pants piece. You are so funny! Thanks for starting my day with a smile. Fun topic, right? XOXO
contessa says
YES, a VERY fun topic!Your paintings of the “BUGS” were DIVINE!
Sunday Taylor says
Love your list! The computer can be so frustrating. I have someone who occasionally helps me thank goodness. Also, the handwritten thank you note! Yes, I agree with you. Emails do not replace it. Texting does drive me crazy, especially at the lunch or dinner table. It’s really a generation thing isn’t it? Wishing you a wonderful week!
contessa says
Yes,I think we are showing our age……..but we need to hold on to some of those old ways!
ELS says
So true, all of them, apart from the Italian husband. I too am gluten free but think I may stretch the point if an Italian man baked me pastry. I’m trying hard, but I cannot summon up a squeak of fury about that!
contessa says
I take a bite from time to time but pay the price later………WORTH IT!
Vignette On Ruby Lane says
Well done Elizabeth ! At least well done in my humble opinion as the same things drive me crazy too ! Especially the lack of manners when it comes to thank yous ! …….And needless to say the computer rattles my brain like nothing else can , it can be beyond frustrating ! And while I don’t have an Italian husband I do have one , while very sweet that can drive me crazy at the drop of a hat ! Just ask him…..
contessa says
Good to know we have the same issues!!!!
Jennifer says
I howled through your list!! So fabulous. My husband isn’t Italian by birth, but drives me insane, just the same. I think they all must…it’s in their job description!
Thank you notes, table manners…I hadn’t even thought of those. Given a larger number to come up with, my list could have been endless. That’s hysterical about your shopping list…I must hear more over lunch!! You look fabulous dressed for dinner out. It’s appalling how people dress to go out these days. I’m convinced I was born in the wrong generation. See you soon! xoxoJennifer
contessa says
Your list was VERY impressive…………..BRAVA!
Grocery Store List... WINE, Chocolate and TP says
OMG how funny that you lost your list! I found a grocery list when I was a kid it read: Chocolate, Wine, and Sh-t Wipe. I still laugh when I think of it. Though Yours Will Be my New Favorite story to share! Italian Husband and French Husband would make a good pair. What bugs me: 1) People biting their nails. 2) Worms. 3) When Parents yell at their children. 4) That coffee doesn’t taste as good as it smells. 5) That this is the last season of Mad Men. PS i love your style Ms Hermes!
contessa says
HOW FUNNY is YOUR LIST!That is HYSTERICAL………….beats mine!
Happy MAD MEN found its way to FRANCE!!!
XX
Helene says
Long-time reader, first time commenting…. Great post!
I’m going to guess your grandmother and my former mother-in-law were acquaintances at the Oakland Tribune. Perhaps you knew her also? My former MIL was Robin Orr, the society columnist.
contessa says
HOW FUN IS THIS!
My GRANNY I would guess worked there in the 1940’s.So,I doubt your former MIL was there at that time.Her name sounds familiar to me however!THANK YOU for commenting!IT’s nice to know who is out there reading me…………please keep it up!My middle name is HELEN after my other Grandmother!
Sally says
Carissima la bella Contessa ……che ridere questa sera in Inghilterra!!
I am smiling so much you have made your post so charming and hilarious…..thank you, it brings so much pleasure to my day.
You are so, so right about the importance of sitting together a tavola (tutti insieme) the tradition of family connecting with each other is being eroded… but still does remain….In ITALY!!
I am sure that you have guessed, il mio amore is Italian too :)) and also drives me crazy sometimes..
Sending love and laughter xx
contessa says
CIAO SALLY…………tell me where is he from in ITALIA?Mine was born down outside of NAPLES but grew up in ROMA!
BELLA LA VITA IN ITALIA VERO?
Marsha @ Splenderosa says
You are the first of our membership I’m visiting because I just had to read what you said, as I knew knew it would be great fun. I so totally agree about dinnertime at home. My little 6-year old grandson is wild, a total wild child, and I think it’s because they never have a family dinner together. Nothing is expected of him with regard to proper table manners, which could lead to all sorts of other properness. Of course, the “Made in Italy” shirt is divine, I would wear it too! He cooks? Say a prayer to the Lord for that. How many husbands cook? About 10% I’ll bet. Great post, very very funny, and SO you !!
contessa says
THAT 6 year old little darling needs to be seated at the table…………tell them the CONTESSA said so!As far as my man made in ITALY…………….YES, HE COOKS and even taught me!We have a great story about him telling me to start a pasta sauce………!!You see about 29 years ago he told me to fry some garlic,well he forgot to tell me to put olive oil in the pan first!NO FIRE!Just a lot of smoke!
I can do it NOW……..when are you coming for dinner???
Anita Rivera says
Bonjour Contessa! I have to agree with you about all these things (except the Italian husband; mine is Puerto-Rican American!) – I believe in dressing up, saying thank you, and the computer drives me crazy. So good to see your blog pop up on my list! You look great! Anita
contessa says
MERCI, ANITA.
Lovely to have finally been connected with YOU!
Beth says
You are so entertaining! Totally agree – especially with the computer stuff 🙂 I use an HP at work and a Mac at home -talk about confusing!
contessa says
How do YOU handle that?
One computer,one phone and one IPAD is too much for me!!!
Gail says
Hilarious! Have you seen the new tonight show with Jimmy Fallon? He does a very cute “thank you note” routine. I’m sure some of his fans have never seen thank you stationary before. The list found at the grocery store must have created some excitement! A perfect rant. I can’t even go to the clothing issue. Now that the weather is getting nice all sorts of things that should be disguised are being revealed in full glory.
contessa says
No, I would never stay awake for the TONIGHT SHOW, but I think he was mentioned to me yesterday at lunch!
The list in SAFEWAY was a HOOT!We had a GOOD laugh………..something I need to do more often!
D. A. Wolf says
Your list is fabulous! (And I’m also in stitches.) Love, love, love that your words made their way to the SF media!
Your #4 is cracking me up…
contessa says
I am lucky……….he is a KEEPER even if I do complain and write LISTS that end up on floors in major shopping stores!
He cooks!
He is very tidy!
And after all these years HE still adores me!
Iam reading your articles daily……just do not have the time to comment!Just know I AM there!!
Glamour Drops says
Thank you for this sneaky post….i say sneaky because you have managed to get some home truths right in there amongst all the fun and giggles.
Phones at the dinner table – yikes – my family knows better than to DARE try to answer them at the table. In fact, I have also removed the TV from the dining room….and, what a shock, people can still actually talk to each other over a meal….may wonders never cease….
contessa says
GOOD FOR YOU!
Sounds like YOU are holding onto OLD TRADITIONS!
By the way BEAUTIFUL note to MARSHA about keeping this going!Thank YOU!
kim says
Contessa, This is the best. I am laughing so hard I had to read twice. The husband part was the best.. And there he is smiling that cute devil with the dough! Ugh men! They make us crazy…I so agree 100% on all the others, especially written thank yous, which I was brought up to always do, and no devices at the table. That makes me crazy when parents allow that. I don’t even let my kids have phones in the car.. Love the family dinner!! It’s sacred. Oh and one more thing. Agree about the covering bottoms. So many girls are wearing these g-string things and they don’t realize their behinds are totally visible. I love the little skirts and I wear one over my yoga pants for running about. Women also need to stop with the thong underwear with dresses and light pants. Just too much shows and they don’t know it!!
xx Kim
contessa says
I AGREE!
KEEP those phones out of the car!!!!!!!!!BE TOUGHY!Thats your time with the BOYS to chat and hear whats going on!BRAVA to YOU!
Francine Gardner says
I am so glad you mentioned the thank you notes as I am guilty as charged! All too often, I forget to write yet even email a nice note. I do have a terrible penmanship and it almost take a forensic scientist to read me….
contessa says
Thats okay……a BIG smiley FACE would do the trick!
It’s the effort that counts!
Catherine says
Lovely to meet you through our monthly bio posts 😉
A fun post…look forward to reading more in September!
contessa says
DITTO CATHERINE!
Vicki Archer says
Fabulous Elizabeth,
AND yes… where is the thank you note?? I am guilty sometimes and I hate myself for it… I’m goiing to improve! You have given me the push I needed… 🙂 xv
contessa says
Somehow, I would imagine you do your THANK YOU’s BEAUTIFULLY!
Jacqueline says
Dear Elizabeth,
What a wonderful list and such a good read ….. you made me laugh { and people without a sense of humour were on my list !!!! } I love the way that we all have different things that drive us crazy ….. we are such a diverse bunch !! It’s so good to have you as part of the BIO family. XXXX
contessa says
THANK YOU JACQUELINE.You have all been so warm and welcoming!
sharon santoni says
Dear Contessa, you are hilarious, and I always enjoy your posts. We haven’t met, but I’m sure you talk like a wonderfully viviacious italian using your hands
Sharon
x
contessa says
SOMETIMES I DO!
How did you KNOW!!!!
the gold digger says
Ugh! Texting at dinner. We had some friends doing that once over at our house and I wanted to scream, “YOU ARE BEING SO RUDE!”
But that, too, would have been rude. So I just thought it in my head.
contessa says
OH, you are a good soul……..don’t think I could have held that one in!
foodiefan says
Such a brilliant list!! Well once again you have bought tears to my eyes!! I particularly loved the shopping list – even funnier that the person picked it up and did something with it. And the photo of you pointing to your derrière is priceless!! I too despair at lack of thank you letters and still trying to instill them in the 22 year old son!! But even more so I get frustrated with just the absence of please and thank you verbally! We have always had the family meal together around the table ( miss it now both sons have flown the coop) and I love the fact no one gets up after the meal but are just happy to continue conversation. Incredible how many of our son’s friends came for dinner and weren’t used to sitting at the table, yet found it the most fabulous experience when they ate with us! I can see a manners book on your agenda!!
contessa says
MADAME FOODIEFAN………….I wish you lived closer!
I know how YOU cook and how YOU operate around LA TAVOLA wish we could share a few of those meals!You make me laugh with the idea of a MANNERS BOOK!
Who would BUY IT today???!!!!
Love the idea however…………….food for thought!
XXX
Paul Clancy says
Absolutely brilliant post. Such great points, and fantastic photos. I was taught to hand write my “Thank Yous” on beautiful stationery when I was a nipper which I still do to this day. Even if its not reciprocal it says so much.
contessa says
I taught that to my SONS too PAUL!
Thank you for your kind words.You always put a smile on my face!
Tone on Tone Loi Thai says
Whether in dinner attire or comfy pants, you are one stylish diva! Yes, I completely agree on the hand written thank you note. Love sending it, love receiving it. Have a fabulous weekend, Loi
contessa says
ME TOO LOI!
Maris says
Numbers 3 and 4 are my favorites on your list. Such a good photo of Papa! Pizza nights at your house are incredibly delicious and special.
theduchessofh says
I enjoyed this post. Having just found your blog. I have a lot of catching up to do. Love your dinner ensemble!
Jody Brettkelly says
LC, you made my day with this post, just spluttered into my double non fat latte reading all this!!! The spaghetti fork and tidy pile of compost is just totally classic. My husband is actually quite laid back but fanatical about his clothes and other strange stuff which i can’t remember now because maybe I’ve blocked it out. He does go bananas about how useless I am on the computer and gets mad that I have to learn computer stuff by rote, I tell him there are other things I absorb (celeb gossip) and remember that he doesn’t!
Karolyn says
Well guilty as charge as I am wearing black work out yoga pants this AM. Oh well they are so easy to throw on but mine are not that form fitting. Funny post glad I popped by form Splenderosa.
K
Sandra Sallin says
You are a treasure. While lying in bed with La Gripe you put a joyful grin on my face! Pains in my body, pains in my sinues, fever, doesn’t matter. You make me smile.