MAY 5th……..CINCO de MAYO!
LAST year 2016 working on her JEWELS!
COLORING CLASS
I found it interesting WE GO BACK IN TIME the older we become.
She seemed to ENJOY the COLORING!
THANKS GIVING last year when WE ALWAYS Did the CHRISTMAS PHOTOS!
HAVING A SPECIAL MOMENT!
MY MOTHER was a BIG ANIMAL LOVER as I AM.
We once hid a ROOSTER from MY FATHER in the BASEMENT for a few months!
I remember I begged to STOP at the Chicken Farm on the way to MONTEREY to see my FATHER’s MOTHER every month.
SHE FINALLY RELENTED!
WE called him BERTRAM the BANTI!
WE thought we had a CHICKEN!
2016 CHRISTMAS PHOTO
Headed out to the CHRISTMAS PARTY at work……….in 1985.
My CAT……………. JETE beside me as he always slept in my ballet slippers!
I so wanted to be a BALLERINA!
Just NOT in my CARDS!
MY MOTHER MADE ME OPEN MY EYES and told me in THREE “C” words ,”HE IS CUTE………. CHARMING AND HE CAN COOK!”
But I will save THAT STORY for another DAY…………..
JUST know for now MY MOTHER FOUND MY ROMEO FOR ME!
There were a few trips to the HOSPITAL the last 6 months.This was MOTHER’s DAY 2016.
NOT MY BEST MOTHER’s DAY nor HERS…………
What made my DAY was seeing my YOUNGEST SONS DEAR FRIEND’s photo on the wall of the EMERGENCY ROOM!!!!!!!
HE WAS AN ALL STAR and I couldNOT have been MORE PROUD as I knew THAT KID!!!!!!!!!
I had TEARS in MY EYES as I snapped this photo to send to MY NICHOLAS and MY ITALIAN!
He wasNOT at work the DAY we arrived!
Had he been things would have gone a bit MORE smoothly I am CERTAIN!
I also spilled THE BEANS about his up coming wedding!
None of his CO-WORKERS KNEW ABOUT IT!!!!!!
Look how well MY FLOWERS matched her OUTFIT!
That was BY LUCK!
She too was GLUTEN FREE and I always tried to bring a TREAT!
This was taken about a week before she passed……..
On Monday night she fell out of her bed.
She was left on the carpet for over FIVE HOURS.
She had rug burns all over her body as the skin gets thin as you age.
I found this out the next day in the afternoon………one of the STAFF members of her place of residence decided that it wasNOT RIGHT and got her off the FLOOR!The reasoning I was told from the Hospice people as it was THEIR NURSE who did this was because he had ordered a HOSPITAL BED to be delivered…………that still had not arrived on TUESDAY AFTERNOON while I was there.Once the bed arrived her place of RESIDENCE informed MY NURSE that BARS on the hospital beds are not ALLOWED!If you know me…………….you know the ANGER that came FOURTH from my MOUTH!I was like a GENERAL Throwing orders here and there getting her put back in her own BED where she would be MORE comfortable and SAFER as I had two people round the clock in her room at this point!Another BIG WHO-HA was the day she died HOSPICE took her off ICC which meant NO NURSE BY HER BEDSIDE!Only the CAREGIVER who I had hired more like a BABYSITTER.I had words for the manager of the facility who is about 30 years old and told him what I thought about NO BARS ON THE BED!He informed me it was AN ASSISTED LIVING HOME not a hospital!
Another incident occurred when she fell the first time………..AS people get older there are necklaces and now bracelets one can wear to PUSH if HELP is needed.I spoke to the HEAD TECH MED YOUNG GUY about getting one for my Mother the morning after the SECOND FALL.I was expecting it to take about THREE days ………it took THREE MINUTES.This was not OFFERED to us after the first FALL and was not an item that needed to be ORDERED!WHY WAS IT NOT OFFERED AFTER THE FIRST FALL…………..this was than used for the HOSPICE nurse and my CAREGIVER to ring if they needed HELP from other STAFF members………it came in VERY HANDY!
Her last day was a difficult day…………….she wanted OUT of BED and would hold her hands up and say “PULL ME UP” she wanted to sit up with her feet on the FLOOR!Her back HURT from the FALL and it was bruised badly…………my assumption was she was getting up to go to the restroom when she fell.At one point she told me her back felt like it was breaking!The gorgeous young man would tell her” MOM,roll on your side and I will massage your back!”On her last day he had her positioned on her side with a pillow between her knees and a pillow under her arm…………..she finally fell asleep about 4 in the afternoon.
I was called on Friday morning to say the breathing had changed!
I was en-route in POURING RAIN.
This was about 10 am………
MY MOTHER REPEATED THROUGH OUT THE DAY…….”Please may I get up?” “I don’t want to be sick.”
MY MOTHER’s last words to me were “WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME?”
By afternoon they thought she might live through the weekend……………..A SOCIAL WORKER showed up as did a CHAPLIN and the HOSPICE DOCTOR who came bursting in CHATTING AT A HIGH LEVEL………..I had NO idea who this person was and I was TIRED.
I told HER SHHHHH!!!!
She continued to speak in a loud voice!
She took one look at her and said maybe we have another day……..
By this time the DEATH RATTLE had started…………..but they did not tell me that!I had heard about this from other friends who had gone through the same thing with their Mother’s.But did not remember at the time it was happening to MY MOTHER!
DEATH RATTLE:Terminal respiratory secretions (or simply terminal secretions), known colloquially as a death rattle, are sounds often produced by someone who is near death as a result of fluids such as saliva and bronchial secretions accumulating in the throat and upper chest.
I decided to go HOME at 8:15 pm……….to get a good night sleep and come back in the morning.Also my CARE GIVER told me people die on their backs not on their sides!SO, between the LOUD DOC saying we may have another day or TWO and MY CARE GIVER SAYING she is not in the right position I felt better about leaving!
It was not an easy decision to make…………..
AT about 11:30pm the HOME phone rang.
I was UPSET with MYSELF!
WE were there by midnight!
WE waited for the HOSPICE NURSE to come and OFFICIALLY PRONOUNCE HER DEAD!
WE THAN waited for the TATTOOED Mortuary MAN to arrive.
THE ITALIAN HELPED HIM…………..
THE WRAP JOB WAS AMAZING TO WATCH………….
He used THE BOTTOM PINK SHEET…asked first if he could; I said NO!
I had my reasons………
The ITALIAN LOOKED AT ME AND I SAID YES!
YOU see that was MY MOTHER in ME kicking in………..
Her sheets were EXTRA DEEP as the mattress was so THICK.
Not easy to find and they are not CHEAP!!!!!!!!!!
MY MOTHER had GREAT TASTE………but she was a bargain shopper………
JUST LIKE ME!
MY MOTHER’s BEDSIDE LAMPS now reside on MY KITCHEN TABLE!
(I have asked the ITALIAN to make them battery operated.)
LET THERE BE LIGHT!
A DAILY REMINDER and perfect for a LONG WINTER’s TABLE……….
Heidi says
I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved mother. She had a long life and you were a devoted daughter. I hope your happy memories will sustain and bring you comfort in your sadness.
Amanda George says
I cried, and cried reading this because it reminded me so much what I experienced with my mother. Anger is a good release!!!! Love you, hugs to you and your family.
Lindsay says
Tears, tears, tears. I’m so sorry Contessa, what a wonderful person she was. Thank you for sharing this with us…my blood was boiling reading about the injustices that happened to her at the end-not ok! I can’t help but think how proud and grateful your mother was for you, her beloved daughter. The greatest gift you two had was one another for so many years. I loved your older memories with her and the chickens and leading you in the right direction with the Italian! She will always be guiding you! A mother’s love never dies! Thank you for being a LOYAL and trusty daughter to her…you are a great example for your boys!
All the love
Lindsay
Viv says
Oh gosh…this brought back memories for me. In February 2009, my mother came to live with my husband and I as she had Vascular Dementia and decided she wanted to be with me. In the September of 2009 my husband died suddenly. I gave up my job and cared for my mother for the next four years. I was told that I wouldn’t be able to cope with her on my own….they didn’t know me. My mother had safely seen me into this world, the least I could do, was to see her safely onto her next journey. The in-between struggles i had with so called professionals was very stressful. I feel your pain and send my love to you and your family xx
Laura says
Dear Contessa,
So very sorry to hear of your loss. Your mother must have been one dynamic and inspirational person! The gleam in her eyes and beautiful smile says it all.
I too had my “moments” with Hospice, when my father was in his last days at 92. The protocol they followed was very odd and seemingly dismissive of the patient and family. It sounds like little has changed over the years.
However, from all the photos and memories in this post, you were clearly a wonderful daughter, and your mother had a warm and supportive family. That is the most important thing.
Blessings and peace to all of you.
classic • casual • home says
Oh my heart aches for you, Elizabeth. My mom is the same age as yours. Praying for you all.
D.A. Squires says
Dear Contessa,
I am so deeply sorry… thinking of you…
xo Debbie
RebeccaNYC says
I am heartsick at the thought of 5 hours on the floor! Amazing that no one checked in on her in 5 hours!! I am so so sorry that your beloved mom had such a difficult last few days. I am sending you much love now, and always.
LA CONTESSA says
OH, they checked in on her and gave her a pillow but left her on the FLOOR!!!!!!!
Waiting for the hospital bed to arrive which came the following day at 5pm!!!!!!!!!
XX
RebeccaNYC says
WHAT!? I am gobsmacked, completely gobsmacked. They left her on the floor. Now I am angry and even more heartsick. I have never ever heard of such a thing. NEVER. I am so so sorry. And I’m sending you even more love. xoxoxo
Stephanie D. says
Oh my, Elizabeth… bless her (and your) heart. Such an ordeal with all of the hoops you were made to jump through to make sure your sweet mama had the care that she needed.
What an adoring and thoughtful daughter you are. I am so very sorry for your loss…
Sending love and comfort and peaceful prayers to you my dear.
xx
Stephanie (aka tendrheart4)
Gabi says
Wish I was closer…
You’ll be missed Nonna Betty!!!
Lisa Kirakossian says
Dear Contessa,
Such a lovely tribute to your mother and thank you for sharing your loving memories. I have told myself, on several occasions, that as difficult a time as death can be for us it is something that really should not be feared or hidden from our life. It is just as much a part of our journey as our birth was. I feel there is so much to give and so much to be gained when we are present during our loved ones end of life journey. Contessa, you are most generous of heart and spirit to share your personal stories of life with us. May the loving memories of your mother always fill your heart with peace.
Fondly,
Lisa K
Brenda Murphy says
Lisa, lovely comments, and I felt the very same way. Both of my parents died this past year (76 years young) and only 6 months apart. It was a gift to be with them and near them, care for them and spar for them. Focusing on them allowed me to be present for them and not let my own emotions take over from the beauty of what was happening. LIFE. WHAT A GIFT! As my adult daughter said to me during these times “Mom, show me how to do this”. So I did….I think. Dear Contessa, may you be well, may you know peace.
Linda Rice says
Dearest Contessa What a nightmare at least you didn’t hit or bite anyone I might have . I’ve lived through a few of these death scenes they are very wearing take care dear girl .
Lillian Plummer says
I am so sorry to hear of your mom’s distress and discomfort before she passed. Can’t believe they would leave her lying on the floor like that. How horrible. Have heard of this uncaring attitude so often. My mom was in emergency recently overnight and couldn’t get any attention from the nurses for assistance to use the restroom. She finally blew her stack and accused them of not having any respect for the elderly. She let her doctor know in the morning and gave them a good blast when we left. 5 of them sitting at the nurse’s desk and not one offered help with the doors as we left. A much older staff member finally assisted. Don’t jnderstand why they work there if they hate their job so much. So it’s a universal problem. My deepest sympathy to you dear contessa and your family. Your mom was well loved by you and you did everything possible. Adore all the pics of your gorgeous mom, witty and smart right to the end. xx
foodiefan says
Dear Elizabeth thinking of you at this very sad time in your life. This will have been a very hard post to write but also cathartic. And no doubt you will have tears running down your cheeks from all the lovely messages. Your Mom was such an elegant woman right up to her passing and she certainly influenced you to be a caring thoughtful daughter….how lucky she was to have you there by her side! I can only imagine how angry you felt at the treatment of her towards the end of her life…..I would have felt the same! I do think a parent will often wait till you leave the room before they die….my father did this. My grandmother waited till my mother came back from overseas and came to say hello then died the next day. The most special thing she gave you was your beautiful Italian!! Mothers often know best!!! Sending you all our love. xo
Lisa thomson says
I am so sorry for your loss, Contessa. Your mother was a beautiful lady. It’s such a difficult passing and doesn’t seem fair at all. The photos you’ve shared really capture her. I love the lamps and the reminder they provide for you.
LA CONTESSA says
VIA EMAIL:
Hello Elizabeth,
I wanted to tell you how very sorry I was to hear of your mother’s passing and that I was thinking of you.
My mother is 100 and not long for this world so I feel your loss – I always saw your darling mother’s photos on Instagram and was reminded of mine.
I know we expect it and it is the natural order of things but I also know it will be deeply felt by you and how much sorrow it will bring.
“Courage”, Elizabeth and look after you.
Sending all my love to you,
Vicki xxx
Coty Farquhar says
Oh darling!
Tears are flowing reading this…xx she was so beautiful and
such amazing eyes! x
xxxxxx
Zoe says
Even though I didn’t know your Mother, she must have been a wonderful woman, because she raised you. I am so sorry for your loss and all of the trauma you both had to endure. Hugs, Zoe
Linda says
Tears such a heart warming story. Your Mom was a lovely lady and loved by you and family. . Heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Thank you for sharing .
Dore @BurlapLuxe says
So sorry Elizabeth that you had so much on your plate and upsetting incidences you had to deal with in your moms last days that by all means should have been comforting ones. I have lost family members and being bedside is so dramatic in itself. To read that doctors in hospice were not considerate to how you grieve in these last moments is tragic.
That Italian took charge, and helped you through this rough time and your blessed to have such a guy bye your side through it all.
Love how your mom knew the Italian was fur you, moms know best.
The table lamps are beautiful, and now on your table the light will shine in a warm glow in memory of your beautiful mother.
Warm thoughts and tight hugs I give you in your days of longing for a bit more time with your mommy.
Lots of love sweet friend.
Xx
Dore
Susie Craig says
You write so beautifully of your mother, there must have been a great deal of love between you. My mother has just had her first awful fall at 86 years old and got her 91 year old husband to pick her up rathe than disturb me despite living next door to her. These strong women remain independent to the end. Look after you and yours. Life is precious.
Ros Short says
So hard to go thru this darling Contessa , my heart goes out to you with soothing thoughts as I sit in my garden , imagining the visiting birds to b our loved ones popping in . After coping with the loss & sorrow , we then realise there’s no more visits to mum to keep her spirits up & encourage her to just go on living , that’s a huge loss for the daughter personally as it cuts deep to lose the one person who we could pour our heart out to & never be judged .I don’t think they ever leave us , just in ‘the next room’ my thoughts are with you much love Ros
Susan says
Dear Contessa,
I’m so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. It is unnerving to have to deal with some of the careless/thoughtless employees in hospitals and hospices! I too wonder why they don’t go get a different job instead of causing even more suffering in their patients final days. My mother died several years ago at the age of 93. She too fell trying to get out of her hospital bed, not once but several times. She was finally done in by her last fall, when she hit her head on the floor. She wanted OUT! Mercifully she was spared any more suffering and she passed peacefully as the hospice worker and my sister bathed her for what turned out to be the last time. A very happy memory for me too is that my mother met my husband before I did and decided HE WAS THE ONE! And he surely was. Next spring we will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary! I pray that your upcoming holidays will not be too sad without her.
Val says
Oh Elizabeth- the stories I could TELL…….but I will spare you. Spent 8 years involved in a lawsuit-cost a SMALL FORTUNE-eventually settled. NOT for the FAINT OF HEART!!!!! Every day your DARLING Italian, your Sons, Theodore, Winston, Banksy, your BEAUTIFUL home, all of your FRIENDS, and every ROSE that blooms in your GLORIOUS garden- in some way-will help to lift you UP and carry you through this difficult time. What a FANTASTIC legacy your Mother has left behind…YOU!!!
Tziporah says
Darling Elizabeth,
What a thoughtful writing. What a thoughtful daughter you are. What a thoughtful human being. Thank you for sharing this with us. Thank you for inspiring us all to see the humanity
of life and how at times it can shatter our hearts. I share in your sorrow. Sending so much love to you and your beautiful family.
French Basketeer says
Oh my goodness my Dear Contessa I am so sorry for your loss of your Mother and sorry her caregivers managed the situation so..that breaks my heart again……the experience is surreal and nothing short of traumatic i know…you have taken such good care of Maman these last few years and it’s so wonderful to see the photos of her and with your family…sending you much love and healing…longer letter soon as I’m in Vancouver now.
Cindy birss says
Oh elizabeth, I am so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your mother by placing her lamps on your table…they are perfect in your home. Take care of yourself.
Anita Day says
You’ve been the most attentive daughter Elizabeth.
I know you did your absolute best for Mum, at times when things were difficult.
Sending you a big hug from here my sweet.
Cheers
Neat xx
Amanda Riley says
Elizabeth,
I am so sorry for your loss and the way in which things were managed or not! I was gritting my teeth at times.However, what comes over loud and clear was the love between you and around you.
Sending much love to you xx
AuntyBelle says
Elizabeth, it’s a privilege to know your sweet Mama via your memories. There really aren’t sufficient words for the grief and loss, yet I join you in your sorrow.
Rejoice that you two had a beautiful relationship and your treasured memories are your comfort.
And now– she dances with the angels and smiles at your antics from her pink cloud.
Karen Persson says
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. So beautiful but so sad. My heart is with you and your family. Losing a parent always remains really hard….
Big hug and kiss,
Karenxoxoxox
the gardeners cottage says
my heart goes out to you elizabeth and your family. i’m so sorry for all the difficulties leading to the end. i went thru similar circumstances with my mother’s passing. you are a wonderful daughter. for me, i was so relieved that my mother was finally out of pain – she had alzheimers for 12 years before passing. she was an RN for 45 years! xo
1010ParkPlace says
Elizabeth, Your mother was darling! I love the photo of her smiling at the deer on the wall. It’s so sweet. What your mother and you went through in her last days is heartbreaking. I’ve been there, Elizabeth. My mother died three years ago, this month, of dementia. Your experiences with the people who are not running a “nursing facility” were mine as well. Even down to them telling me she might have TWO WEEKS LEFT!!! That was the day before she died, but even a numbskull would have known that wasn’t true. I thank God for Hospice during her last few months! They were caring saints! I left mother about 8:35pm and drove 45 minutes home. About 5am, I called the nurse who said she’d just been in to check on mother and she was PURPLE, so she gave her some oxygen and was waiting for the doctor to arrive. When I asked if mother had passed, she said SHE DIDN’T KNOW!!! PURPLE! When I got there, they’d already taken mother away and were asking me to remove her things from her room because they had SOMEONE WAITING FOR HER ROOM! This was the nicest dementia facility I could find… a place I would want to be had I been mother. But in the end, I felt like they were warehousing old people like rolls of cheap carpet. I’d better stop now. My heart is sad for you… A big light has gone out in your life. xoxox, Brenda
LA CONTESSA says
UNBELIEVABLE………..so it’s NOT A CALIFORNIA THING!
I too got a call the day after with CONDOLENCES and in the same breath…….when will you have her stuff out!
PS. I told HER to KISS THE DEER!!!!!!!!!!
Therefore the SMILE!
HAPPY SHE DID AS SHE WAS TOLD!!!!!!
YOU are RIGHT…………A BIG LIGHT has gone OUT!
XOXO
Karen says
My sympathies on the loss of your beautiful mother. I lost my 96 yr. old mother in April and I know how much it hurts. Now a little over six months later we’re going through the same thing with my husband’s parents, too. I was lucky to be able to care for my mother in my own home where she died peacefully; but I’m not able to care for two at one time. We visit the nursing home every day and hope for the best treatment possible.
I’m glad you have so many wonderful memories of your dear mother. It was plain to see she was loved very much.
Michelle says
I am so sorry for your loss. May your mother’s beautiful lamps forever shine brightly on your table. Michelle P. in Italy
Cara says
So sorry, Contessa.
This was very difficult for me to read, in fact I could not get through it the first time, so I cannot imagine how it felt to you.
It brought back many terrible memories to me. I hope you will be able to forget the bad times and only remember the good.
My mother died many years ago and her treatment prior, at the hands of Hollywood Regional Memorial Hospital, was inhumane. Fortunately we switched to Jackson Memorial and they were able to reverse some of the damage. She died at home, which is what she wanted. I was glad to be able to make sure that happened.
So sorry, again.
Cara in S. FL
Evie Squadrille says
I am so,so sorry for your loss.
My Daddy passed away on November 17th, 2017…I know your pain.
May she Rest In Peace
Evie in Upton,MA